Merlin Drives A Hard Bargain
by galleons
Summary: Professor Snape couldn't fathom how this was happening to him. What had he ever done to deserve... smirk
1. Chapter 1: Stolen Moments

**Merlin Drives A Hard Bargain**

_Merlin...I am going to take so much crap from the purists for this! Only in fanfics... And I am still doing all of my other stories, but when this took root I couldn't not type it._

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own or seek to profit from the Harry Potter books or characters. This is for fun and whimsy. I have no gold because the Black family crested-goblets are not the only riches that Mundungus Fletcher got away with._

**Chapter 1: Stolen Moments**

All was peaceful and calm on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Not a creature was up; not a Peeves, or a lonely, half-crazed squib even, who maintained the castle.

Not even that sickly-looking cat that hated people.

As the dark-cloaked and hooded figure approached the descending spiral stone staircase that led down to the dungeons, he never failed to marvel that he had been leaving the grounds at all hours of the night for years and years, and had always came and went completely undetected.

Even Dolores Umbridge couldn't figure out how he'd done it during her tenure at the school.

His lip curled in silent pleasure.

It was a combination of things; magic that most of the castle's occupants would never imagine.

Even Dumbledore had proclaimed some of the things Snape had told him about as ingenious, crafty, and quite innovative.

Well, the Headmaster was the only one who would understand the necessity of his utilizing such spells, seeing as they shared a common goal.

As his black boots reached the last step, he looked around quietly but it was unnecessary. Everyone was asleep. The only sound he heard was the dripping of the water leaking through the stone cracks that made up the walls of the Hogwarts dungeons, where his classroom, office, and living quarters were located.

His home.

A wand protruded from the inside of his black travelling cloak and not a sound was made as the door to his office clicked noiselessly and opened.

He went inside quickly, closed the door, and turned his wand to the door again to enchant it to keep anyone but the Headmaster out of its depths.

When he was satisfied that the door was properly charmed, he lowered his hood, and then deftly removed his cloak.

He went over to his favorite chair by the fireplace and sat down.

He really should look on the bright side. Though he was morose.

He had achieved much success this very night.

The Dark Lord offered him some complimentary words about the information he provided him which was rare.

Which really meant, in essence, that he had succeeded for Dumbledore, because he hadn't really told the Dark Lord anything useful really, or that could hurt anyone.

Wormtail had been hexed for failing to carry out a deed the Dark Lord had asked him of him.

He smiled in amusement to himself. One side of his mouth not quite rising to meet the other side, which was his way of smiling; a delighted smirk one could say, that distracted him a bit from the wave of despair that was threatening to engulf him.

He was making progress on a new contact in order to help Dumbledore.

And then his rarely raised spirits fell. And the side of his mouth joined the slack side once again.

He could pursue his work. He had grown quite crafty in dodging the Dark Lord and fooling him.

But though he was expert in fooling others…he had never been quite good at fooling himself.

And he cursed himself and Merlin for gifting him with astute intelligence.

Because this was becoming a problem…this was not going to go away quite so easily…and he wanted it back…

He bloody, damn well….he couldn't say it…he could barely allow his thoughts to acknowledge what his sub-conscious apparently had in the Forbidden Forest.

And he was acting like a complete madman and he had never believed he was capable of such sheer lunacy.

He believed, what was the expression? That he was beyond damaged….beyond help…

Circe, er, Vector, made him act like a complete idiot.

Foolishness and buffoonery that surely knew no bounds…and then the unthinkable….

_**The Forbidden Forest…**_

He had been walking at a rapid pace that night. For a thin and tall man nearing his 40's, who was not one for much healthy eating or exercise, he was in superb physical shape.

Well, he was in terrible mental and psychological state, intermingled perhaps with emotional anguish and severe internal torture, so he guessed physical fitness was one good thing at the very least.

Nobody could ever witness his patronus. He would die. The game and his duplicity would be up. He could serve neither Dumbledore nor the Dark Lord at any rate, if it ever happened, so he was always deeply cautious if he needed to contact Dumbledore.

Nobody else could know. _Ever. _The Order communicated via patronus but he could not.

True Death Eaters were unable to conjure one once they received the Dark Mark.

Even if it could happen, the magic of the Dark Mark made the incantation and ability to call it forth impotent.

Only Dumbledore who truly knew some of his feelings and exactly where his loyalties lie had seen him conjure a patronus…the knowledge in the wrong hands would be the death of him.

Dumbledore saw the doe…because sometimes Dumbledore and he had to communicate without anyone being the wiser.

That night, Dumbledore had said he would be out on urgent business, but that Snape should go forth into the Forest as usual to let him know he had arrived safely back to the castle and to arrange a time that they could meet to discuss recent events from both their watches and any intelligence they had gathered.

He had walked swiftly and silently through the forest. Not even alerting an animal, a centaur, nothing in fact, due to his powerful silence and disillusionment charms that he had cast on himself before departing from the castle.

When he had walked so deeply into the Forest that it would take him nearly a quarter of an hour or so to return to its border with the castle, he halted.

He removed his wand from the inside pocket of his cloak and raised it out in front of him.

It was his most ardent and revered moments of his life. It was _her._ He could see her…as she burst forth from his wand….pearly white…gentle….soft…innocent…docile….waiting to assist him…never far from him and always a part of him…and bound among the living once more. His lovely elegant sweet doe….Lily's patronus in life…

_All right, it matched Potter and the little, insolent, miniature version of his arrogant self that he had created with her…because they had been married and had most certainly…_ but he always pushed this from his mind.

Because thinking of what could have been ripped him apart inside, so much so, that he couldn't bear the thought of it.

But this was their time now. His doe…his secret that the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters would never know about….his protector…his love…what he had learned in time, and Dumbledore had even asserted once, was the best part of him.

He took a deep breath and thought of her…a happy memory…so easy for him when they were connected in any way to her and their youth.

He was 10 and turning 11. They were in the park. She was teasing him, the wind whipping the glorious red hair into her brilliant green eyes and she was laughing and told him that she wasn't using magic today, and that he could push her on the swing in the park.

If he was strong enough…that is…and she gave him a daring smile and one eyebrow rose to entice him into a friendly challenge.

He remembered the pleasure that warmed him. It started from his stomach and spread throughout him.

_Because if I had to push…I might just have to touch her to do so._

It was one of his favorite memories. He used it quite often when conjuring a patronus. It was far too easy….he knew the rush of feeling and what to expect….he closed his eyes and thought the incantation….

The doe would spring forth from his wand and listen to his thoughts and tilt her head to one side to listen intently, much like she had, and carry out his instructions with ease. It would let him reach out and pet a pearly white coat of fur that he could only imagine feeling. He just wished to show this doe affection because it had done so much for him.

_Magic at its most graceful and intricate in its beauty…_

_Power that the Dark Arts was incapable of understanding or ever mimicking in essence or in nature._

His thoughts reverberated within him_…."EXPECTO PATRONUM."_

His hand shook and he felt the warmth rush from his hand to his wand…

And then nothing.

_What the…?_ His eyes were slits as he stared at the wand in his hand in utter confusion and made a curious expression on his face.

He was perplexed. The last thing he had heard about unusual wand behavior was that connection that Potter's had with the Dark Lord…even Dumbledore couldn't exactly explain this bit of bewildering wandlore.

It had never failed him. He was an expert wizard and very rarely erred and his knowledge of spells was what muggles would call encyclopedic. He never forgot how to cast one.

This wasn't exactly muggle electricity. Spells just worked…they didn't need fixing or maintenance or wear out like machines.

A bit of fear and apprehension entered him. He felt a cold sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He rarely faced magic he didn't know about. Even if he hadn't performed it, he usually had an idea of its origins or could make a connection somewhere along the line.

_No, this was alarming…had never heard of this happening…_

_Unless…._

Was he sick? Was something wrong? Was it stress like that Nymphadora Tonks, which, he didn't think was stress solely, but nothing he could yet confirm. And anyway, this was not a change, it just…hadn't…worked.

What had happened to him?

With fear in his heart he made the decision to try again…

He thought of his doe_…the park…the smile…the red hair…Lily…_.and he raised his wand. This time, his wand jostled about and a few pearly whisps of smoke came out, but still nothing happened.

He absent-mindedly began to pace while brandishing his wand, in a panic.

What was wrong? Was he losing his powers? But how could that be? He felt fine up until this nonsense.

He then proceeded to grow angry, very angry and worked himself up into quite a lather of lividness and decided to push these thoughts out of his head and try again.

He planted both black boots firmly on the ground and felt his confidence seep back into his soul, with power and determination like a soothing balm. The concentration and sheer steely mind frame that he had to put himself in when the Dark Lord performed legilimancy on him to test him from time to time to soothe his own paranoia.

He was so diligent in his concentration and single-mindedness that he thought the spell without the memory he had previously used and before he realized it happened.

_EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_ he thundered silently to himself.

And pearly white rays burst forth…with a whoosh…like water…and the creature emerged…and floated in place to gaze at him as curious about him as he was about, he guessed, er, _her._

And it was good that she floated because she didn't have human feet, so he couldn't exactly gather how she would have stood up with fins.

Because before he passed out…he realized that his patronus had changed… to a _mermaid_…


	2. Chapter 2: On One's Own

**Merlin Drives a Hard Bargain**

**Chapter 2: On One's Own**

Red strands of hair fluttered into his face…it smelled clean and wonderful.

The creamy skin, slightly freckled, crinkled near her eyes as she smiled at him, telling him he would have to push the swing harder than that if she were to go anywhere with a cheerful, teasing impatience…

But how could he push….he was laying down…he smelled the scent of the freshly mown muggle lawn of the park….but he wasn't in the park.

His eyes opened.

And with a start he remembered.

He sat up slowly and wondered what had happened.

He noted that his wand was still gripped in his hand. Still.

So many questions circled around in his head, he wasn't sure which to address first.

But he needn't have worried, because when he looked at the ground as he prepared to stand, he saw purple, high-heeled boots with elaborate buckles.

_How long was I out for? _He tried to estimate but couldn't, as he pushed a greasy lock of black hair out of his dark eyes.

The tall frame of Albus Dumbledore was now standing over him, with its powerful yet kind presence.

The blue eyes twinkled but he said nothing.

The expression told Snape wordlessly that they should go about their business quickly and head back to his office.

Snape nodded his head and followed.

_**Dumbledore's Office…**_

The Headmaster sat behind his desk in deferential silence. His eyes drank in the appearance of Snape and his body language appeared to hang on his every word. He sat behind his rather large and ornate desk with silver instruments: spheres and spiraled objects whirring and puffing about. He never moved as he listened intently; interested yet with no air of serious concern. The long fingers met at the tips in front of his chest.

He had had to tell him.

It was for their work. It was how they communicated. How would he recognize his patonus messages if he didn't share this very unwelcome revelation with Dumbledore?

He had no choice.

No matter his mortification and embarrassment, to find that he, Severus Snape, former Death Eater, former Azkaban inmate, though only for a few weeks until Albus secured his release, Hogwarts professor, double spy…

Now had a blasted mermaid for his patronus…

He was utterly humiliated…more than he had ever been in recent years.

More than when he lost the Order of Merlin undeservedly.

He wanted her back…his doe…it was all he had of her.

_Dumbledore would know what was to be done…_

_He always knew._

Dumbledore waited for Severus Snape to finish and took a long pause before speaking.

"Have you ever had another patronus?" He asked patiently.

"No…only her. I… as I have told you before, yes, I had performed some magic before entering school but never produced or was inclined to cast a patronus before we were at school." He said softly and pensively. "I knew about dementors. I had read about them. I used to borrow some books that my mother had hidden. I knew they guarded Azkaban but I was in pursuit of spells that I thought would be more useful to me. Little did I know…" Snape trailed off distantly.

"You would er, visit the place eventually," said Dumbledore, matter of fact.

"Yes. Exactly. It has only ever been hers…the doe." He replied sadly.

Dumbledore appeared to be lost in thought for a few seconds and then continued. "What do you think it would have been if you had tried before she became acquainted with James Potter and yours became hers…the counterpart to the stag?"

It hurt him still to think on it but he answered. He had to do whatever he must for his doe to return.

"In all honestly, I was fascinated with the Dark Arts, one would think some dark creature." Snape offered honestly.

"Knowing what you have told me and what I witnessed myself of you in your youth I would guess as much, Severus. But it did not happen. So let us not labor over random thoughts of which of the many fantastic yet frightening beasts it could have been, but certainly not a mermaid…" asserted Dumbledore.

"Correct."

"What did it look like? A female I gather?" asked Dumbledore pleasantly.

"Yes." Snape nodded.

"A merperson?"

"No, it was different."

"So, what I guess we could call for all intents and purposes, a regular mermaid?" inquired Dumbledore.

"Yes. And why is that? I know you know of them and converse with them but in all honesty they are not the most welcoming nor…" trailed Snape.

"…enticing or attractive creatures you were about to say?" said Dumbledore in a slightly amused tone.

"Why yes."

Dumbledore offered a small smile. "Well, there are differences among water-dwelling creatures as well. If you are referring to the mer population of Hogwarts, those in particular have grindylows and other waterbound creatures as ancestors…hence their green appearance….sharp teeth…brittle hands…."

"I see," said Snape blandly.

"My guess is that it is another species of merpeople more closer to humanity. And possibly something else…" said Dumbledore.

"What might that be?" asked Snape, a slight tremor of apprehension in his low voice.

"It might be that your protector might be an imprint molded from the fancy and imagination of its original creator," said Dumbledore calmly.

"And this means…"

"Was the mermaid lovely?

"It was attractive…yes…it that is what you mean," offered Snape begrudgingly.

"Perhaps it is an idealized version of what the original protector knows to be mermaids."

"Is that possible?"

"How did you yourself come to possess a beautiful doe patronus with the gentleness and manners of Lily." Dumbledore looked at Snape from behind the glasses that were perched on his crooked, craggy nose.

It gnawed at him, a great piercing stab to his stomach.

"How do I get her back?" he asked simply.

"It lies entirely with you…once you sort yourself out…or unless her time has passed…"

"It will never pass…how can she be replaced?" Snape sounded disturbed and affronted.

"That is for you to decide, Severus…I'd rather not speculate and tread upon territory that perhaps I shouldn't. But I prefer not to give dishonest answers."

"I know what you are getting at and you are wrong."

"I think we both know what happened to Miss Nymphadora Tonks." Dumbledore gave a wistful smile.

"I surmised as much. And she is a fool…he is dangerous, as we found out a few years ago…"

"I discovered as you also did that the rat posing as a seemingly harmless pet was far more dangerous, Severus, wouldn't you agree?" said Dumbledore firmly.

Snape was stunned and could only stare in silence because he was right about that.

"I am an old man, Severus, who gives credit to long walks on the Hogwarts grounds and full responsibility for ensuring that I can still brandish a wand and not a cane at my ripe old age. But I still remember the trials of youth, how strong feelings and emotions can be, to rival the most powerful magic at times."

"I care for no one but her…I never will…I will always…"

"I don't doubt that. The services you have rendered for her son are, despite the circumstances, proof enough of your devotion. But with time…often enough…"

"Forever…Dumbledore." Snape spat it out as if he had to convince him with the stress on the words. "It is why I am here with you. Now can you offer any more insight as to what happened and how I can…"

"Produce a patronus, Severus. Here in the privacy of my office." Dumbledore changed the subject. He wished to see if for himself.

Snape rose slowly to his feet and removed his wand from his cloak. He held it in front of himself, unsure and apprehensive. He needn't had bothered. He said the enchantment aloud and the wand warmed to his touch, wisps of pearly air came out, but nothing happened.

And he was very concerned. Because he now could not produce a patronus at all…not even the blasted mermaid.

"Severus, I can tell you what it is from what I have observed and from reading up over years and years on wandlore, though I never claim to be as exceptional as Ollivander; it was just a hobby of mine. I am not an expert, but I believe it is a transitional period and then it will pass. Until then, I may have something in this office amongst my bric-a-brac and other nonsense items that we can utilize to communicate in secret for our work till then."

"It is…like Tonks…but I don't see how…" And then he closed his mouth abruptly.

"As I tried to tell you before you cut me off when I attempted unsuccessfully to preface my sensitive statements regarding my advanced age and the inevitability of becoming an old codger. There are mixed and conflicted emotions that sometimes we are unaware of until they get sorted out. There are more delicate and subtle, complex feelings besides love and hate. Indifference, fear, humor, attraction…and seeing as your patronus most recently took the form of an attractive mermaid….why you are a young man, Severus, it could be the latter…"

"You may not love another…but that doesn't mean that the potential for you to be attracted even er, physically would not be the work of your subconscious…with, er, a little help from nature…"

"Anything else to add….Headmaster?"snapped Snape in annoyance and embarrassment. Snape was ready to bolt from the office. He felt a teenager again, hearing about "the talk" from others…

"Ah, to the matter at hand. Well, out with it then. I could be wrong, but I believe I have seen you look with, er, a certain perplexing, albeit odd, fascination, at your fellow colleague, Professor Vector. Er, highly negative attention, but I could be entirely wrong though," he stated lightly.

"You are."

"Well, forgive an old man's assertions. Sort yourself out. You can control it. It is magic like any other if you are self-aware. Most people are just happy they can produce one at all. You are a brilliant occlumens and that talent is connected to what creates and conjures patronuses. Give it time, the doe perhaps will return." And Dumbledore gave him a warm smile.

"I will…thank you."

Snape turned on his heel after he nodded and offered the headmaster a terse, "good night."


	3. Chapter 3: The Doe Usurper

**Merlin Drives a Hard Bargain**

**Chapter 3: The Doe Usurper**

Severus Snape sat in his office after dinner in the Great Hall. He marveled that he kept his dinner down at all. He was so busy avoiding the Usurper that he couldn't even harass McGonagall about the House Cup that evening. His thoughts were elsewhere…

Sprout and McGonagall had inquired about his health. They noted that he hadn't eaten much and asked if something was wrong because they found the turkey to be heavenly. He just nodded "no" and kept it at that. Besides that brief exchange, he had kept his head down and ate silently and sparingly, only lifting his head on occasion to monitor the goings-on at the Slytherin Table and to try to perceive if Potter and his little friends were hatching any plots to get into mischief. Though, naturally, when he would inform the Headmaster of this, more often than not, it fell on deaf ears.

He left the Great Hall not even an hour into dinner and returned to his office. The box…it had beckoned to him.

He sat at the circular table in his office after removing the box from a very high ledge. The box was locked, enchanted, so no one but him could ever open it. It was all he had left, now that his patronus was gone.

Severus shifted some essays he had been half-heartedly marking, to make room for the contents he was about to remove. When the latch clicked itself open, he removed the cover and peered in.

Three photos, a book she had lent him that she had never asked him to return, and a card to cheer him up that she had made herself when he was sick one time.

He didn't gaze upon these items often. It ripped him apart inside. The memory of her and the memory of the state he had been in, when he had seized the box after hearing about the incident at Godric's Hollow many years before, was too painful at times. He gingerly fingered a photo and lifted it gently from the box. It was a picture of Lily and, unfortunately, her sister, Petunia. She was only about 10 years old and she had given him one when she had gone away at the end of the summer before they went to Hogwarts, so he would remember her until she returned. He placed it back in the box.

As if there was a chance he would have forgotten…his only friend in the world…

The other two were from their school days; one of just her, and the other of the both of them. He believed it might have been the only time he sort of smiled in his life…

And now he wasn't sad, he was livid. At himself, at Potter, but even more so now at Vector, or how he now referred to her as, The Usurper, the thing, er, creature, that had ruined his patronus. He knew she liked mermaids…she had told another professor once…it had made him ill.

This he understood. What he couldn't understand was how someone you loathed could alter your patronus. It didn't work that way. Love changed a patronus. Deep, maddening, uncontrollable love, he knew the feeling…it had dominated him for years.

And it had only recently happened to someone else that he had had the utter misfortune to instruct. It only reinforced what he knew. Lily's changing to Potter's….and now Nymphadora Tonks' changing to the wolf's.

His own…always only being hers…which was hers because regrettably, he had lost her forever. She had fallen in love with Potter…and not _him._

And he had been confident and even a bit more secure in a sometimes terrible world because even when he felt his greatest pain, his greatest disenchantment with life, when he had felt he was losing his way, his love for her always made him see things through, helped to guide him, made him feel somewhat whole and human when he had doubts or even regrets.

And now it was gone…his internal compass…his beautiful doe.

And all because of the blasted Usurper…Vector.

And then he shut the box lid abruptly. And an evil smirk spread across his thin, pale face when the thought occurred to him. He who always acted, was never afraid to, believed that what bothered him the most was feeling the frustration of being temporarily incapacitated. But now he realized he had been foolish. This was not out of his hands. He could control it, put a stop to this, and on this very night.

All he needed to do was merely remind himself of how horrible, incompetent, and utterly loathsome this loathsome creature was.

…

_**The Arithmancy Office….One hour later…**_

Professor Vector sat at her desk in her office. She was diligently marking papers and due to extremely powerful, non-verbal, silencing and disillusionment charms, he entered her office completely undetected.

He saw the _thing_ at her desk trying to look busy. Everyone knew Arithmancy was just about as useful as Divination, Care of Magical Creatures, and just about anything Gilderoy Lockhart had attempted to teach during his time at Hogwarts, so he gathered she wasn't doing much, but he could observe what he needed to without the hag being any the wiser.

If his patronus wouldn't come back to him on its own, than he would make sure he got it back.

And they way to do that would be to reassure himself of just what a ridiculous, hideous, hag-like dolt Vector was.

He believed he smiled to himself.

The knowledge of how very wrong and how very illegal this was and it being against Hogwart's rules not occurring to him one bit.

Who was she to complain if she knew? The banshee had stolen his patronus…

He may have insulted her every chance he could get as soon as she arrived to teach here, but he had never _stolen_ from her.

She sat at her desk and yawned, delicately covering her mouth with a hand.

_Toiling work apparently_, he sniggered to himself.

She picked up her quill and began to mark her papers. He noted that she looked around as if she felt she wasn't alone for some reason.

She then continued to mark with small neat strokes of her quill.

He started on what he could see…

_There was really no comparison_…Lily had lovely, deep green eyes, brilliant red hair, pale, slightly freckled skin….that was beautiful..that he had so desperately wanted and still did, because he had never found anyone even close to replacing her.

Not that he had ever really made a great attempt at bothering to do so.

The hag had unattractive long hair that was a shade lighter than his, dark blue eyes, and was, he must admit, fortunate that for a hag, she had pale skin, instead of leathery skin.

_Must be that vampire lineage that no one believed when I had tried to convince them…_

She was an inch or two shorter than Lily, un-freckled, and had a slower walk. She walked purposefully, but with an air of being unruffled and taking her time…

He did not just think that. _When in the bloody hell had I noticed…_

Snape grew angry with himself…this was not helping him get his patronus back…it was an egregious blight on his mission…

He composed himself and ventured off from analyzing her physical attributes to settle on her deficient personality.

She was ugly, but so was her demeanor….nasty, selfish, lazy, arrogant, and he could go on and on, and he did, because he was that much closer to getting his patronus back.

His thoughts went on until he was distracted. He heard a knock at the door and felt a little apprehension. Nobody would ever detect a presence….except Albus Dumbledore.

If the Headmaster came in…he was in severe breach of staff policy for a Hogwarts employee. Well, he would have to reiterate that she had started in when she ruined his patronus, and that he had every right to be here.

And he knew Dumbledore would not buy it, but he would sympathize with him as he had with other things they disagreed upon.

For once, he thanked Merlin that the Headmaster was soft-hearted and understanding. Really, he didn't particularly mind that he was, it just irked him when he was like that regarding Potter and his two sidekicks.

"Please come in," he heard her call out in a soft, clear….and extremely unattractive voice.

The door opened and a student appeared. One of his 6th year students…one of his House.

The boy was a decent student. Not the brightest he had ever taught, but he worked hard and earned very good grades. He also was bright enough to not run with Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, and considering his family were not Death Eaters or very wealthy, or were particularly notable in any way, they also ignored him.

"Professor Vector, are you busy, ma'am?"

"No, do sit down. Is this regarding the paper?" She asked firmly but kindly.

"Yes. I have just left the Headmaster's office. I explained my situation and he said that during my leave of absence I must speak with the teachers whose work I would be missing."

"Very well. He has spoken to me too. And I am so glad you are here. I truly must commend your dedication. It is never easy in such a situation as yours."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Is your grandmother feeling better?"

"Yes, she is, thank you for asking, but she still has a long way to go."

Snape was ready to vomit in indignation at the unfairness of his life…the very unfairness of it all…This wasn't the time for this…how could he concentrate on retrieving his patronus with all this…

"I must admit that I find that some would find it difficult to complete their work during so trying a time. Please continue to persevere and things will improve with time. It happens to all of us. Also, I am so impressed that have your notes and everything in order as well before you leave. Such preparation and diligence should be noted. Would you mind if I gave your House 5 points in your honor?'

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Consider it done. Enjoy the rest of your evening, Miles."

The boy returned the sentiment and exited.

Snape had forgotten he was supposed to hate her. He cringed and exited the door swiftly before it closed again.

He hated her even more for this. _She had foiled his plans…again._

But he could always exact revenge…tomorrow.

_The creature would pay…dearly._


	4. Chapter 4: The Silent Treatment

Merlin Drives a Hard Bargain

Chapter 4: The Silent Treatment

He saw his chance. The chance to start in with her…because you can't necessarily possess the patronus of someone you are no longer on speaking terms with.

Snape barged into her office the very next day. She was kneeling on the floor next to her fireplace. He noticed that he saw the head of Griphook, the employee of Gringotts, well, really just his head stationed in her fireplace. Septima Vector still worked in an advisory role part time at the wizarding bank. He had no idea what they were conversing about. Griphook was, after all a goblin. But he never suspected that Septima had learned, amongst many other things, how to converse with them when she was employed there before coming to Hogwarts

_Inspired…witty to think of learning the language to remain in good standing with them because the goblins could be difficult at times._

_I did not just think that…_

_Well, the lonely Usuper had to speak with someone,_ he gathered, because after this he would never speak to her again. And if Dumbledore inquired about this, he could speak to her all he wanted.

He, Severus Snape, _would not!_

"Vector, what the hell in Merlin's name are you babbling on about…" He asked her from the threshold of her office. "Have you lost your mind? Well, you've lost it already I gather, but can one lose it twice?" He glared at her with well-practiced hatred and enmity.

She turned from a kneeling position to address him in a low hiss. "Who knows? According to you, someone can be both a _vampire _and a _hag _if that's even possible. What creature limits could I ever hope to soar too?" And the sarcasm was not lost on him. "Now if you will please excuse me, _Professor, _I am on company time."

"Urk…I see…well then…gork urknak…" She spoke seriously and in a very business-like tone to Griphook. "Derk norgok. I will come in Saturday morning for a few hours. The conference room? Surely….you are quite welcome. Good bye, Griphook."

"Well, apparently you have forgotten English, except for choice words that are so foul I believed you to be a barman at the Cauldron, perhaps you _have _mastered Gobbledegook?" The biting and provocative tones were unmistakable, and he could see the harpy was growing irritated with him. _Good_. "And how is it that you know goblin language that well? I cannot say that you learned very much from me when I mentored you. I was wrong, Longbottom is not the only imebecile in this school."

He had to admit even to himself that that had been a bit harsh and unnecessary, but she had stolen his patronus after all.

"Did I not work at Gringotts full time before Hogwarts? Oh, wait, are you still pretending that you did not steal…oh, pardon me, Severus…_confiscate _my employee file from Filch when you first mentored me?" She narrowed her eyes venomously at him. "And considering I still believe that you did not ask the headmaster first that could cause you some trouble, but I am still stupid enough to not say anything about it." She glared at him, the color rising in her face.

She rose from the fireplace and slowly walked toward him. But he could see in her eyes that she still made sure to keep some distance from him. For a split second he felt for the gesture of apprehension towards him, and then he remembered who he was dealing with.

He walked over to her wordlessly and silently, the only sound was his long black robes, sweeping the stone floor as he moved.

He ignored the accusation. There might have been ah, a little truth to it, so he thought it better to avoid the subject. He wouldn't waste his valuable time mentoring just anyone. "What did they do to you?" he asked gravely, shaking his head in mock pity.

"Who?" She asked swiftly, making a face at him.

"The goblins. Interesting creatures…very manipulative…very bright, thankfully, my only encounters with them have been to do my banking. Very unusual for them to, er, work so closely with a human and a witch. Though I am still not one-hundred percent sure about this…you are so much shorter than me…perhaps I have erred regarding hag-blood….any goblin's in your ancestry." And he gave her the most smart ass smirk he could muster.

"Was there ever a time you were a normal girl." He threw up his hands and shrugged his shoulders…the act more disturbing than a slap to the face.

"Normal for a hag you mean? Because I couldn't possibly be a goblin based on your ignorant evidence…I am shorter than you because I am five foot four and you are six foot two and a _male_, you bloody moron! Correction…not sure, but I am still pondering the possibilities of half-bat or half-dementor as most of the castle and Hogsmeade are. Oh, wait…did that just slip out?"

She gave him an acidic, yet sweet smile. "And in their defense they are taskmasters…but do respect hard work and I was treated fairly and well."

"Let's cut out the pleasantries, Vector," he cracked sarcastically. Unfortunately, I need to speak with you before I never speak to you again."

"Do you mean it?" She blinked her eyes and her mouth opened in surprise.

"Yes, I mean it." And he was taken aback a bit, because he could be wrong but…_did she not just appear to look disappointed…"_

And then…which did not help his plan of action in the least…the Usurper gave him the most dazzling smile he had ever seen her make. It lit up her whole face, her cheeks turned slightly pink, and her dark blue eyes dazzled…

He remembered to hate her five seconds later…he never lost his resolve with the Dark Lord during a meeting, this should be fairly easy…

"Really? How absolutely _WONDERFUL….do you mean it!" _And she jumped up and punched the air with a tiny fist. And she burst out into peals of very feminine and, er, not really, very attractive laughter. Though, he supposed, some mindless dolt would probably find it attractive, er, just not him.

"Oh, oh….you have no idea….well, actually, you do…how much this means to me. I was going out tonight to have a drink with some of the staff but it was just for fun…now it is cause for celebration. Now I will have to call Griphook back, so I can make a withdrawal because I am buying a round for…_everyone, _perhaps every patron at the Broomsticks if I can manage it…for my very own personal _joy_!"

He looked at her as if she had punched him and then he recovered. The plan was failing and he wasn't sure if he should bail out or not yet. This irked him. He moved amongst his spying duties with precision and expertise. Why, was this not working for him? He never failed…ever…to get people to do what he needed or wanted them to do.

_And damn it…would the fool stop…smiling…at him?_ He couldn't exactly cast "imperius" to deter her. He wasn't that much of a heel.

"Vector, that is quite enough. Now for the reason I am here…"

"Oh, you have one? Are you not done insulting every detail about me for the day?"

"This is extremely urgent, Vector. You do know what that means, I gather?" His tone was grave. She stopped smiling and sat down in a chair. She asked him if he would do the same but he declined with his head.

He was not making himself comfortable in the Kraken's lair of doom, if that was what she was suggesting.

"_Hag's, er, eat children….he wasn't quite sure if a male over 30 was safe either…_

'Will it take very long, Snape?" she asked staring at him, her curiosity now piqued. "Need to make that bank withdrawal now, you know…" She quipped.

"I will not take up your time longer than need be but it may. You should keep a jar for a rainy day… now… before I begin, I need to ask a you a few questions."

"I am not being interrogated by you, if that is what you mean. And will you please reconsider and sit down? You are making me feel like I have been dragged to an auror's office."

"Fine, if it will aid you and my purpose for being here than I don't see why not."

He walked swiftly to a chair that was facing hers and swept his long black cloak to one side so as not to sit on it. It trailed from the sides of his chair.

"Would you like some tea?" She asked politely.

"Do I appear to resemble the elderly ladies that sit in Puddifoot's, Vector?" His tone and demeanor were grim.

And then he could curse her silently again…he saw the side of her mouth twitch as if she found his remark humorous and he quieted his mind again, because this was interfering with his work.

"Vector, where do you, er, come from again? The voice was austere and he looked at her as if she were an alien.

'Severus, Wales, you know this already I believe."

"Please, don't delude yourself into thinking I harbor an interest in your dubious origins, Vector. Now… describe your home for me."

"What? What is this? Are you making a documentary? Have you gone mad?" She eyed him in disbelief.

"Answer the question if you will…" he asked sternly.

"My home is where my parents and my younger brother still live…it is by the water…"

"Do you like it?"

"I love it actually…and I miss home when I am working at Hogwarts."

"I know it must be difficult for hags…doesn't entirely add up for me either…but tell me about your affinity for mermaids?"

"How do you know they are my favorite?"

"Let me preface my statement and say that I would like to make very clear that I have no interest in your comings and goings, but I did receive intelligence that you told Professor McGonagall that you do…and also, it was brought to my attention that you visited the merpeople once when you arrived here…" His face was death."…much to the delight of our brilliant but whimsical and overly social current headmaster." He looked as if he had trouble with what he was saying.

"Well, if it means that I can end this _interview_ sooner…then yes, both are true. I have loved them since I was a little girl…and I saw a beautiful one in Wales once. There was a high tide one summer…I am a good swimmer too…and she saved me…she protected me…and she became my patronus. I have always loved the sea and I am still not afraid of it because of what happened. It is nature just doing what she does best."

"Very touching, Vector." The words were very sarcastic and venomous but he had more trouble delivering them than he outwardly let on. He felt he had just been kicked in the abdomen. _So, it was true_. He knew it, but to have it so blatantly confirmed…was just too much…he felt _odd. _He was confused and so utterly disoriented that he couldn't fathom how he would get out of her office. He loathed her. Why was this happening to him? All he wanted was his doe back…he had to move forward…it would take all of his power to bear it but he would do what he must.

"One more thing before I leave….I…I must see it."

"My…my patronus, Snape, but why?'

"Hogwarts business, Vector."

"Does Dumbledore know about this?"

He hesitated. The Headmaster would not betray him…_she may not do it without force_… so he decided to say…"yes, he does."

"Fine then. What do I care if you see it? We've seen everyone else's anyway…and I am proud of her."

She rose from her chair and her face that had stared suspiciously at him now changed and grew soft and emotive.

She withdrew her wand from a side pocket of her dress and raised her arm. "Expecto Patronum!" She called her patronus forth.

Wispy, white light emerged from the tip of her wand and out came her mermaid.

"She is beautiful." And Professor Vector smiled back at the mermaid who was looking at her earnestly, but in an instant she turned and looked at Snape.

Snape started at it. He hadn't seen her since that night in the Forbidden Forest.

It was even more, er, attractive then he remembered…and the blasted thing looked happy to see him.

He fell off the chair and hit the floor.

He hadn't fallen since the time he dodged a rogue bludger in the Staff Quidditch seating area. He was livid. But at least he could deduct 50 points from both twins for his troubles.

He wanted to say something…but how could you yell at a patronus and tell it to go away_? Er, be off, meddlesome patronus would surely not work._

Vector, in her astonishment, lost her concentration and the patronus disappeared.

"Severus, you look as though you've seen a dementor, are you all right?"

"Yes, and I am leaving. That is all I need to know." And he rose and dusted off his roes and as he prepared to leave, his sight caught a curious object on a shelf behind her desk.

It was a statue of a blasted mermaid. He snapped. He strode over and removed it from the shelf.

"I will need to borrow this."

"For what? And no you may not. I have had that for years…what do you need it for?"

"Hogwarts busin…"

"Right. I have heard that earlier…give it back…"

"No."

"_Snape…"_

"I will…not just now…I will…have the elves replace it with something else from the Castle. I will give you something valuable…something from Slytherin House so you see that I will keep my word."

"But you don't understand, you bloody moron, it is irreplaceable to me."

"You should have thought of that before you brought it here. Now, don't make trouble, Vector, or I will see to it that Dumbledore thinks it is a fine idea for you to assist me with Potions again in the very near future." It was an idle threat. The plan was, after all, to have no contact with her ever again, until he got his doe back.

"You wouldn't" she gasped.

"Believe me, I would. And let me reassure you that when I do return it, it will be my owl that does, and not me. Please refrain from speaking to me in future. If it is regarding students or work-related issues, contact my owl."

He turned on his heel and swept abruptly from the office, never looking back.


	5. Chapter 5: Pushing the Issue

**Merlin Drives a Hard Bargain**

**Chapter 5 :Pushing the Issue **

_Tap…_

_Tap…Tap_

_Tap…Tap…Tap…Tap_

Professor Snape gathered it was quite useless to pretend he didn't hear the hag or that he was not currently residing in his office after he answered the knocks at his office door with a terse…"Yes."

It was not like he had expected Vector. He had made it quite clear that he wasn't talking to her ever again and she seemed quite pleased when she was informed.

And then he sighed. He forgot that he had confiscated that ghastly mermaid statue that was not much more appealing than its owner.

Not that he thought Vector was appealing at all…he believed hideous and an utter monstrosity more like.

_Yes, a much more fitting description._

"I know you are in there….I _heard_ you…Give…me…my…statue…_back…" _The melodic yet unbearably needling voice thundered.

"Not yet, Vector." He had no intentions of returning it to the Doe Usurper, of all people.

"What are you going to do with it?" She sounded doubtful.

"Nothing." He offered a sinister pause.

"I don't believe you. My mother…gave that to me."

"How _touching_…"And he rolled his eyes recalling he was not currently on speaking terms with her. Far be it from her to respect his wishes and not engage him in conversation. Well, one couldn't exactly ignore her outbursts that grew piercingly louder outside his abode.

"This is theft…should I tell Dumbledore?"

"Perhaps you would prefer that I let you enter, and if you don't believe me you can see that I have it right here and it is quite safe, while it is currently in my possession, and I believe it will remain so…for the time being. And I had made it quite clear that I do not wish to speak to you, might I remind you." His tone was icy.

"You are sick…really strange…Snape. And I intend to fulfill your request…as soon as I get my personal possession back, _if _you don't mind."

"I guess the tone of your voice implies that you do not wish to see it…_ever._ You are crossing a very thin line with me, Vector." He sounded sterner and more resolute.

"Come on…give it back…why did you take it in the first place? And your idle threats are rubbish, really. Most of the wizarding world might be, but I am not afraid of you."

"I have my reasons….and your last, is quite unwise of you," he snapped coldly.

"Just as strange as the rest….naturally…"She snorted in contempt.

He was inclined to believe that she may not leave him in peace.

He let her in begrudgingly, his very stiff body language reinforcing this fact.

She looked at him with derision and stopped for a moment before entering.

She pushed past the bloody robes he never washed gingerly.

She looked around searching for the mermaid..

Her jaw dropped.

Her mermaid was wrapped up. She could make out the shape, from where it rested on the top shelf of a very old, mildew-ridden bookcase that also had vials in wooden rests and bottles of the most unfathomable contents, which contained jewel-toned liquids that gave off a sickly-sweet revolting smell.

She put the wrist of her sleeve towards her nose.

"Vector, what are you doing? You look as ridiculous as you are. I will not give it to you, but I can offer something in return." He would attempt to sweeten their one-sided deal.

"Something to hold? I rather think not. I want my statue back, you bloody moron!". She feared that she did not cut quite an imposing figure shouting out threats with a sleeve to her nose. But for some reason, the stench was worse than she remembered. She noted a cauldron bubbling in a corner. It didn't mix well with the usual scents that wafted here, in her estimation. It gave off fumes and smoked filled the room.

"I can offer you this for the time being." He held out an ugly and imposing statue of Salazar Slytherin.

"Will you just give me my damned mermaid back? I don't want this, it has no sentimental value to me, and I will tell Dumbledore."

"And sentiments must be preserved at any and all costs?" He tiffed at her in mock exaggeration. "Go right ahead. He already knows about it and what a distraction this item poses."

"Well, give it back to me and you will never have to look at it again, or me, if you don't wish too." She narrowed her eyes, and then turned to gaze at her mermaid again.

He looked at her. It might help. Perhaps his love, his doe, all he had of Lily would return?

Nope. He was holding on to it…_just a precautionary measure_.

"Nothing holds any sentiment for you. Fine, I will fetch it myself." Her chin rose obstinately, her mind made up.

And he eyed her curiously. "You fool, if you ever, ever knew…" _She, Lily had been sentimental. She loved her parents, learning new things, helping others, even that sister who didn't give a damn about how what she said to her and how it would hurt her…her son, for the short time she had with him…._His eyes flew open wildly and he forced the thoughts away, but he feared she noted the pained expression that was surely on his face, even for a fleeting moment.

She whipped out her wand and aimed it squarely at her mermaid. If she missed, so what, reparo would do the trick nicely and…

"No." He shouted firmly and his wand appeared so quickly from his sleeve she was taken aback.

"Stop it."

"I just did." He had not audibly muttered any spell, so she hadn't quite expected it, and something was blocking her from removing the mermaid statue and receiving it in her hands. So she knew then it was him, naturally.

"Then I will have to do it er, manually," she offered stubbornly.

"Take another step, Vector, and I swear…" he looked at her, daring her to move.

"Listen to me. We are not negotiating. Please get out of my damned way or I move a chair and reach for it myself."

"I think not, Vector."

"Oh, you do?"

She marched over to a rickety chair and pulled it towards her, her blue eyes flashing and daring him to stop her. She moved forward with it, her skirt hems swinging about.

He looked her up and down. _She was so short. She would never…even with the chair._

She tried with all her might. He gave her the wrong look; it just encouraged her to get the thing down all the more.

He smirked.

It put her over the edge somehow.

She took her hands and placed them on both sides of the bookcase, ignoring the possibility now that even her standing on a chair would help.

She gave it a shake.

_Enough to loosen the placement of the mermaid…_ It was on the edge, as if he subconsciously wished for it to drop or just didn't care if it did or not, she pondered.

His glass bottles rattled, the contents rising back and forth.

"I am warning you, Vector…"

"Then get it for me and stop this nonsense."

"No."

"Very well then." She shook harder.

Bottles were leaking out a rainbow of thick, syrupy liquids.

"Don't you know that those are years of work,,, years of preparation…do you really care enough about that thing?" He sounded less composed. He studied her, not comprehending much.

"Yes. I do. That thing will always remind me of my mother and my patronus….it is not yours, so why do you care whether or not…"

It just happened. _She had said it. The very worst…._ To hear someone else say it was just too much for him/ He couldn't believe it as the bottles erupted and fell off their shelves, He stood in abject amazement when bits of shattered glass and liquids fell to the floor. It hadn't happened to him since he was 8 or 9. _Emotional, underage magic_….His wand just _reacted, _the spell reaching the bookcase.

And it occurred to him that she might even tell him that with his current state of mind, if she knew, it certainly was fitting.

Did the Usuper not understand how much he wanted his patronus back? Cf course she couldn't, she just made it more difficult for him

And her blue eyes danced in triumph. The statue fell into her hand.

But the eyes opened in shock. She had distracted him, but not for long.

He thought the spell instintively. The mermaid reverted back to his hands in seconds.

She cursed at him…language that only Fletcher could conceivably appreciate.

"Out. _Now!._" He shouted at her gravely.

"I will not let this go…you are a theif…" she started and trailed off, most likely appalled at his expression. It was disturbing.

"Go."

"I will take your Slytherin, er, thing with me. Don't try and stop me." She sounded anxious but still quite angry with him.

"I wouldn't wish it." He said in a low, soft voice.

"And it will be returned to your House when I get my mermaid back."

He studied her again for a moment. "I remember hearing that of his many possessions acquired over a very long lifetime that this held no particular attachment for him."

She left, but not before wishing him a well of bad tidings with her glare.

He cleared up the mess, magicking everything back to its proper place, and things were very much the same after she had left; in a very interesting and maybe not quite so unappealing huff.

He had never seen her that determined…or angry.

Or that concerned for something.

He remembered something and it made him feel emptier.

_Was she mad? _He gathered he had underestimated her somewhat, and realized he had quite a formidable foe on his hands.

And a rude adversary at that, one who thought nothing of his desire to no longer be in her odious presence or hold any type of discourse with.

He would have to do better. The point was not made apparently.


	6. Chapter 6: Lily

**Merlin Drives a Hard Bargain**

_Years earlier..._

**Chapter 6: Lily**

The young woman walked away from the driveway at a frenetic pace and slowed to a stop only when she reached a section of red rose bushes. They sprawled over onto the neighboring curb and she could only hope they were tall enough to conceal her. Her sister had a little habit of looking out of windows at passerby or even for the slightest noise on Privet Drive. The woman glanced down the street before hesitantly taking a seat on the closest part of the curb. As she prepared to sit she felt her legs tremble a bit. Only then did she put her face in her hands and begin to cry.

What she had experienced while visiting her sister was nothing new. However, this time was different. She refused to be humiliated or given veiled ultimatums again. Petunia, her sister, had no idea how her words truly cut her to the core.

"All right there, miss?" inquired an elderly gentleman.

"Yes. I'm ok, thank you.

She smiled at the old man through her tears and hoped he hadn't noticed how distressed she was. She quickly wiped both her eyes with long, elegant fingers. The woman took a deep breath, slowly rose, brushed off her skirt, and continued walking down the street. She would apparate at the corner and return once again to her parents' home. They were much more understanding and had tried to talk to their daughter Petunia. Though they loved her, they realized themselves that once she got something in her head it was very difficult to persuade her otherwise. Petunia had always been a stubborn little girl.

The woman pushed back a lock of bright red hair behind her ear and then hurriedly brushed the tears away that were once again forming at her eyes. Out of the corner of her brilliant green eyes, she looked down at her fingers, smeared with tears, and glanced at one in particular. A ruby encircled with diamonds was placed there only a week ago. She thought of James with a surge of affection and sadness. What should have been one of the happiest moments in their lives was bittersweet. Their parents were thrilled when they announced their engagement. Their friends had thrown a small party in their honor at Sirius Black's flat. Her sister, Petunia, however, was altogether of another mind entirely. She could not fathom Lily marrying what she considered a freak. Petunia had met James only once and it had been a complete disaster. Petunia had pursed her lips in silence and Vernon, her husband, made it very clear for both of them that they were less than pleased. James was understanding more for her benefit than his own. He was respectful and tried to engage them in conversation, despite the heavy tension in the Dursley sitting room. James could charm even the most hardened of people or for that matter even the shyest. No matter his sincerity the Dursley's would have none of it...and more importantly none of him.

This was very difficult for Lily to accept. She had tried to persuade Petunia that not all wizarding folk were bad. She had tried to tell her about James for years since they began seeing each other at Hogwarts. Petunia had turned a deaf ear, but was more than vocal in her opinions and her stance in regard to her sister's choices. Petunia was her only sister and with James being an only child she had hoped they could be close; if only to spend a holiday or two together. _Was it so much to ask?_However, even this was truly starting to seem highly unlikely.

She pulled out a handkerchief to dab at her eyes again. She must look an absolute fright! It hadn't been easy lately. Times were difficult in the wizarding world. Her job at the Ministry had become much more demanding, her work at the Order more consuming, and even their good friend Peter had been coming around to James' house less often. Lily knew it bothered James, though he rarely spoke of it, and it hurt her to see it.

She quickened her steps, desiring to reach the corner sooner. She looked up and instantly stopped in her tracks. She removed her wand, narrowed her lovely eyes, and then once more returned her wand to her skirt pocket.

It couldn't be. She opened her eyes wide in amazement. It was him. It had been about six months since the last letter had reached her, but there was no mistaking the tall black-haired figure gliding slowly towards her.

The man stood on the corner of Privet Drive for what seemed like ages. For the most part he was not disturbed. Muggle schoolchildren, two elderly ladies, and a police car had passed. They had looked over quickly and had gone about their business. He was positive that with the expression he wore they would not stop and loiter for long. He didn't particularly care. HE was not going anywhere. Merlin himself could not move him from this spot.

He had a feeling today would be different. He had been at this corner almost every day for two months with no luck. However, this was their old neighborhood and though his parents were long gone, her family was not. She had to visit sometime. He was sure of it. He knew better. At a very young age, Lily and her parents had always been very close. He had met them a few times and they were always decent to him. He was positive that she would visit the difficult sister as well. That was Lily. Especially after the rumor he had heard this very week. It was time to discover if the rumor was true. He had to.

He bowed his head and nudged a rock with his large black boot. Lost in his thoughts the figure a few yards away from him seemed to appear out of nowhere and broke his concentration. It took him a minute for it to register. He couldn't believe his good fortune in finding her.

He waited a few seconds. He had to be sure. Was he imagining things? It had been so long he wanted to savor every minute and doubts crept into his mind. The figure did not seem to notice him.

It seemed an eternity and then the figure looked up at him and met his eyes. His stomach lurched. He saw her clearer. Lily. _His_Lily. Recognition registered on her face. It had been too long for his liking. It was too good to be true! He gazed at her fiery red hair remembering how he used to twist it around his fingers and tug gently when he teased her.

He broke from his thoughts once again, took a deep breath, and slowly walked over to her.

As he looked into her eyes, he remembered. _Perhaps it was third year? The time they were walking past the Hogwarts House hourglasses. Most likely Nott or Mulciber were acting on impulse yet again.._.but when she turned to look at him it was startling. He noticed that the emeralds flying up to the top of the crystal hourglass exactly matched her eyes...

The past few months had not been easy for him. It had been unendurable. _Not knowing...  
_  
He noticed she wore a light blue shirt and a tan skirt. Muggle clothing. Only on Lily could he derive any charm from it. God, had he missed her! For a moment he believed he had stopped breathing. He forgot the separation for a second to drink her in. _The same...the very same pale, velvety skin...lightly kissed by the sun. _He smiled slightly when he noticed the freckles. They were always more profuse in summer and for more summers then he could remember he never failed to notice. Once he had teased her about a freckle on her nose that was more pronounced than the rest. He had gently touched it as they sat on the grass in the park where they spent most of their time on summer holidays away from Hogwarts. She had blushed and lightly pushed his arm away. She disliked his calling attention to them. He had loved that freckle.

He wanted her back in his life...in any form_. Not seeing her...not talking to her...it had been unbearable._ For the past months she had not even bothered to answer his last owl. And he knew now more than ever that it had been entirely of his own doing.

_The torment…the pain was beyond description...when she began to see Potter exclusively._He had given her a lengthy opinion on the matter even though they were not as close as they had been. He had given it freely, hoping...that his friend, his love, the woman who took over his thoughts every waking hour of the day, would come back to him. It hadn't happened.

She didn't realize. He loved her_...and no other.  
_  
He couldn't move on. He had tried. He just couldn't do it.

_Not while there was a chance_. He knew he was foolish. He didn't care. _There was always a chance...  
_  
_Potter was smug...self-important. Once she found this out...or maybe Potter would leave, perhaps, a change of heart?_ He didn't deserve her. He had intruded upon_-us. He had had no right...  
_  
And he had to be there...just to be sure...waiting in the wings. There was always hope and he had not given up on hope yet. He must do something or he would never forgive himself.

His dark eyes softened as they caressed her countenance, taking her in, and she began to speak.

"Severus, what are you doing here?"

"Lily," it was barely more than a whisper. "How are you?"

"Fine," Lily said quietly. "I was just visiting my sister Petunia. Surely you remember her..."

"Of course. I was just checking on my parent's house. The neighborhood has been quite busy so I had to walk a ways and find a place to apparate without being seen. I hadn't noticed I was passing your street and then I saw you," replied Snape.

"I was about to apparate myself." A moment of silence ensued with both not sure what to say next. "It was nice to see..."began Lily.

"Lily. Why haven't you responded to my last letter?" Snape threw caution to the wind. He had to ask.

"Severus, I'm sorry. Really, I am. I just don't think it is a good idea."

"Why?" Severus asked her.

She seemed to take her time before answering. "You know why. And it's not an excuse but I really have been very busy lately as well but...I thought about responding. I never meant to be rude but..."

Snape took a deep breath, closed his eyes slightly, and let her words sink in. However, he could not meet her eyes. "Lily. You are not rude. You...you could never be rude. We know each other since before Hogwarts. We were very good friends. Actually...I still consider you my friend. I never wanted you to be upset with me."

She faltered a moment. "Well, friends sometimes grow apart, Severus. I didn't mean for that to happen. But you know how I felt about the company you were keeping."

Snape eyed her cautiously. "I now work at the Apothecary in Hogsmeade. I am an assistant to the Potions Master there. I admit that on occasion I do run into some of our former classmates. Dinner, perhaps, a drink at the Cauldron…we are adults-that is all"

"Yes, but I can only imagine that they were all in Slytherin and are the same crowd you socialized with at school." She stared at him intently.

He nodded. "Some."

She looked sadly at him. "Severus, I am truly sorry but..."

Snape could feel her leaving him before she even finished her sentence. "Lily..._please_. I have missed you. You cannot know how much. You...you were the best friend I have ever had…and the kindest...the most decent. Hear me out for a moment. Five minutes, please." He looked so sad, she couldn't help but notice. And then she remembered. Walking in Hogsmeade...sitting on the grass in a park in July...and some of the laughter and good times she had with her old friend seemed to cloud her earlier stance that she must avoid him in future.

"All right, Sev. You've got four."

He smiled to himself. He wasn't sure how he had convinced her, but he had. He dared not question it.

He had been living in the small room over the apothecary since he had started working there. It was neat, quiet, and had room for many of the books he would need for his work. He still owned his parents' house at Spinner's End. He had inherited it when his mother had died. He spent very little time there as an adult.

The room was not very spacious but it offered a calm sort of sanctuary that he had never experienced in the volatile atmosphere his parents perpetuated when he grew up in Spinner's End. His only solace had been his time spent with Lily. Though Lily was not here with him now, the space allowed him countless opportunities to lose himself in thought. Namely of her.

The conversation turned out even better than he had hoped. After five minutes elapsed into ten...fifteen, she eventually offered him a weak smile and he knew that much to her dismay he was wearing her down. He suggested that loitering on a street corner with two wands in their possession and him wearing a travelling cloak was most likely not prudent. He suggested that perhaps they could finish their conversation at The Mill. It was a local pub near Spinner's End that they had both frequented in their teens; alone and later with other friends, however, mostly her friends. She said that she had to be going today but she could meet him to catch up a bit in two days' time for an hour.

He knew better than to give in to his feelings and admit an hour would never suffice for himself. He agreed and they had both apparated on the spot. He was not nervous. Lily Evans, as long as he had known her, always kept her word to everyone.

If only he could slow his heart beat and the swirling, sinking feeling in his stomach and wait out the two days.


End file.
